The Mating Game

Greg

so what's on the agenda for this weekend?

11:28pmMe

welllllll

i actually just got home

and im going go this retreat tomorrow

its called a russian shabbaton

and you basically celebrate shabbat ( jewish holiday every weekend) with a bunch of russian jews from the chicago area

from fri-sun

and sit around and talk about being an immigrant and what it feels like to be a russian jew

and in between all the lectures and talks and activities, we drink vodka

and the russian jewish men scope out the russian jewish women for possible mating opportunities

because no one is actually there by will, everyone's parents bought them a ticket and talked them into it

because we are all miserable single russian jews that need to mate and make brilliant russian jewish babies as soon as possible

11:30pmGreg

wow! nice

so basically its a singles retreat

11:31pmMe

right...

and the women are significantly better looking than the men, because god did not want to make it easy for us to mate, but instead made the russian jewish men significantly smarter than the average male, and gave them amazing well paying jobs and zero social skills

so it usually takes a lot of vodka for this so called expected mating to occur

11:32pmGreg

you sound like steve irwin right now

except you're not talking about animals

11:32pmMe

hahaha

11:32pmGreg

crikey!

The Romanticism Begins

So no kidding aside, my parents are the definition of the world's cutest couple. Well maybe not the cutest, but have you ever thought about the words 'soul mates'? When you try to imagine how a pair of soulmates would act and be, my parents pretty much fit the description.

They've been married for going on 33 years, and they act like they are in the exact same marital bliss they experienced on their honeymoon. This can be both delightful and sickening to watch, as their daughter, it just doesn't seem right to see my parents making out. They don't go anywhere without each other. I tried to have a mother/daughter day at the spa with my mother once, and she actually looked uncomfortable with the idea of being away from her husband for 2-3 hours. But it's nice to know that they make each other that happy, despite fading looks, increased health problems, and financial distress.

They make true love seem impressively possible. Its a real tease, especially for me, their 21 year old single daughter, who still has not found her 'one'. And sometimes I start to believe that not everyone finds there 'one' and people like my parents are just really lucky. Nonetheless, its inspiration to keep looking - to think that I can find what they did.

Unfortunately for me, this made me believe in the movies. You know, the idea that coffee shops and bookstores are where the smart, handsome, intellectual, and cultured boys roam in great outfits and glasses, scooping up women at leisure when the two happen to be reading the same Tolstoy novel, and luring her in with his wit and charm. So that's where you see me hanging around a lot of the time - hoping that one of these virtually one in a million opportunities will one day bestow itself on me - and that is aside from the fact that I really do absolutely love bookstores and reading, and coffee and the environment. Just really, where in the world do people really meet their potential life mates in a book store? I seek the coincidence. But in reality, its when you stop looking is when it hits you. Or at least thats the reassurance I get from everyone. Won't stop me from going to the bookstore, but might keep me from flirting with anyone that works at Starbucks. Or not.

Creative Juices

So I should've went to sleep about 2 hours ago, but something my roommate said to me tonight really stuck in my head, somewhere between Box saying he can't shave his own back, and Flow saying that his dad could do it for him, and somwhere between identifying a cleaver (a 1950s housewife) as a hairy vagina (hairy man cleavage + beaver), and somewhere between reminiscing about a guy from high school that apparently sweated beads of downy scented sweat because you could smell him and his refreshing detergent odor from down the hallway, and between our mention of naming my breasts in junior high, and I just couldn't go to sleep without writing something down. My eyes wouldn't shut, and my fingers were itching to type, despite wearing them down with my 10 page midterm I threw down earlier today.

In a series of laughing fits that lasted a good hour or so, a common subject seemed to be at the heart of the jokes between my roommates and their boyfriends - my keen ability to recreate movie scene situations, specifically from my favorite genre of films - romantic comedies - in my own love life. Though I don't know if you could call it a love life. It's more like a quest for love, with a lot of fumbles. And tumbles, and stumbles, and.....well let's just say it's been an interesting ride. And just to clarify, these romantic comedies that we all so dearly love, and wish our lives were really like that, well, lets pretend you took all those romantic comedies and just stopped at the embarrassing parts. Like the girl trips and falls in front of the guy she likes, and he usually thinks its cute, and helps her up like a gentleman, and makes some unbearably witty remark which follows in him asking her out? Rewind. I'm the girl that trips and falls. Guys rarely think its cute - in fact, from my experience, they feel embarrassed for you and run away. Gentlemen are rare, and witty remarks followed by invitations to coffee or dinner? Rarer still.

Somehow, beyond the other ridiculous topics to be laughed at, it was my recent dating disasters that invoked the highest pitched laughter. So its been decided, that these stories that keep my friends perpetually entertained must be shared. And who knows, maybe in the end, my quest for this idealistic view I have of the guy thats out there looking for me, but dating all the wrong girls, just might turn into a reality, and he'll find me. Till then, sit back and enjoy my dating rollercoaster. Or I don't even know what to call it. I'll figure it out.